If the Rosebud Motel and a horror movie had a baby…
I’m honestly not sure whether to give the Best Western Windsor one star or a standing ovation for creating the most unintentionally hilarious hotel experience of our lives. Think “Rosebud Motel from Schitt’s Creek,” but without the charm, the quirky characters, or any of the small-town wholesomeness. What we got instead was a full comedy-horror crossover.
The bathroom alone could win awards. The bathtub paint was peeling like it was trying to escape the premises. Mold was thriving in every corner - behind the peeling wallpaper, around the faucet, even under the spout. My personal favourite discovery? Mystery pubic hairs on the ceiling of the shower. I don’t want to know how they got there. I just respect the athleticism.
The bathroom fan gave us a proper jump scare every single time we turned it on. Loud, violent, and dramatic, like starting up a lawn mower in a closet. Even when you braced yourself for it, it still got you.
The bathroom tap didn’t pour water so much as launch it sideways across the counter. We had to keep a towel there permanently, as if we were managing a small indoor flood.
And then there were the sheets. Nothing says “sweet dreams” like finding small blood spots on your bedding and having to ask for replacements only to find long hairs tucked within the new set. Perfectly on theme for our comedy-horror suite.
The 1970s red carpet featured a generous sprinkle of white powder along the edges, which we optimistically assumed was insecticide. The alternative explanations were not something I wanted to unpack while barefoot.
We traveled with a few other families, and every single one had their own list of “features.” It became a running joke. “What did your room come with? Mold? Exposed mystery substances? Door damage from a fist fight? A plumbing surprise?” No one struck out.
And to wrap things up, there was no complimentary coffee available anywhere in the hotel in the morning. None. Sure, there were Keurigs in the rooms, but anyone who’s ever opened one knows those things double as mold incubators, so that was a firm no.
Overall, this wasn’t just a bad stay, it was a full-blown adventure. If you enjoy peeling fixtures, jump-scare fans, surprise fluids, mold art installations, and enough maintenance issues to qualify for a reality show, you’ll love it here. If not, I’d genuinely sleep in my car first.