SG
Sir Michael Fuzari (the Great)
Aug 23, 2026
I was supervising my son at the urinal and out from the stall comes an employee. He seemed hesitant to go to the sink, as if it's not a common route for him, but I think he realized he wasn't alone so he needed to behave a little better and detoured to the hand wash station.
Now, I wasn't there to watch him or anything, I'm not his shift manager, but I noticed the absence of the distinct whirring of the soap dispenser. "Perhaps it's a quieter one and I just didn't notice." I prayed to myself. Unfortunately, when I placed my hand under the dispenser, the loud mechanic device made it's distinct noise and ejected it's creamy fluid onto my palm.
I stood in horror, staring at my hand, at the creamy goo in my palm. The mechanical sound playing over and over in my head. Was this all a dream? Had I never heard this sound before? No, I was here, I was present, and my only friend in this stinking room was the loud, motion sensing giver of cleanse, this Keeper of Foam who was silent for the person who came before me.
I blinked as I realized.. an employee in charge of preparing my food, assembling the ingredients, the human responsible for practically feeding me like a baby bird, is doing so, at this very moment, with at least one hand smeared with his personal biological waste. I stared at myself in the mirror.. What to do. Do I leave? Do I accept my fate? Do I report the apparent misconduct to the teenager currently managing the entire establishment? I went deep into thought, like a trance, for what felt like eons. In my head played scenarios that spanned for generations in the blink of an eye. What will happen to me? What will happen to them? What will happen to America?
The jet-powered hand dryer broke me from my trance and I remembered again the here and now. My cheek wet, but I don't remember crying. I exited the restroom and saw my food had been completed and set at my table. Relief exited my body in the form of a sigh as I realized.. The fecal-laiden employee had no opportunity to handle my food. I was safe.
I sat with my son and said to him, unblinking, "We're safe, this time. But never again. We can't take the risk of coming here, ever again. For our health, for our country. Do you understand!?" He said nothing, just nodded obediently. I hugged him tight, as if it were our last embrace, then I ate all his fries when he wasn't looking.
I came here for a couple kids meals, I didn't know it came with a complimentary toilet McFlurry.