As an American, I take great pleasure in slowly killing myself with chemicals and processed foods. McDonalds has always been there for me whenever I needed to shovel large amounts of plasticky chemically unhealthy foods in my hairy mouth. The nostalgia I feel when eating that gooey sticky cheese, so plasticky that it feels like I am playing with my dead daughter's barbies again. Those crispy fries, that rough skin, it makes my heart skip a beat quite literally, my heart once beat so fast because I ate so many of these fries that I woke up in the hospital vomiting fries. The ice cream machine, though rare to work, when they do, you can always expect it to produce the creamiest, whitest, stickiest cream ever imagined. That cool sensation dripping down my throat, gives me nostalgia to when I was a wee little baby, sucking my mother dry of her sweet juicy milk. The chicken nuggets, oh those chicken nuggets, just the thought of them makes my tummy rumble and makes my legs wobble from the sheer overwhelming pleasure that those chicken nuggets give me. I already feel the sensation of my pants getting wet when I smell those chicken nuggets in the building. Then the mother of all unhealthiness, oh how I would let her dominate me, the great Big Mac. She is so big that I can barely handle her, my mouth trembles when I hold her girth in my sweaty unworthy hands. That meat, oh how I would ride it. That lettuce, oh how I want to drench it in my ranch, and those tomatoes, those sweet juicy succulent tomatoes. And then that cheese, so plastic yet so rubbery, almost as rubbery as the rubber bands that held my diapers together. All wrapped up in a nice little salty bun of happiness, love and heated desire. After eating here for so long, I can feel the McCancers starting to take hold of my nervous system. I spent so much money at McDonalds that I cannot provide money for my family anymore, good thing I don't have one. The bank took my car, so for the longest time, I have been reduced to crawling because my sweaty meaty legs cannot support my body weight. This is what our McFounding Fathers thought of when they signed the Declaration of McIndependence. This is what all of our lives have led up to. McDonalds is truly the food of the gods here on planet Earth, and it is here, to stay. When I see those golden arches, I will raise my hand to my forehead, and salute our god, our holy ruler, Ronald McDonald.