CW
Connor Wilsdon
Jul 30, 2026
I am absolutely, completely, catastrophically OUTRAGED. This wasn't just a bad experience—it was a full-scale assault on my patience, my lunchtime, and my basic human dignity. According to Article 4, Article 7, Section 12, Section 29, Clause 42, Amendment 18, Amendment 38, Amendment 73, Regulation 404, Protocol 11, the Magna Burger Carta, the International Burger Convention, the Universal Declaration of Customer Satisfaction, the Sacred Consumer Code, and at least twelve other laws I definitely didn't make up five minutes ago, I have the RIGHT to be treated with respect, the RIGHT to a pleasant meal, the RIGHT to complain dramatically, the RIGHT to demand a manager, the RIGHT to demand the manager's manager, the RIGHT to receive compensation, the RIGHT to a written apology, the RIGHT to free food, the RIGHT to be mildly inconvenienced but not THIS inconvenienced, and the RIGHT to tell absolutely everyone about this experience.
I expect a full refund, a partial refund, another refund just to be safe, compensation for emotional damages, compensation for the inconvenience, compensation for the inconvenience caused by the inconvenience, and compensation for the time I spent writing this review. I will be contacting head office, corporate, consumer affairs, my lawyer, my local MP, the Mayor, the Prime Minister, the United Nations, the International Court of Justice, and possibly NASA because someone needs to study how an experience could be this astronomically dreadful.
The atmosphere was so unbelievably, spectacularly, monumentally disappointing that it felt like the building itself was apologising. Every second felt like an hour. Every minute felt like a decade. The sheer magnitude of my disappointment could probably be measured from space. Historians will study this event. Future generations will ask where people were when I experienced this tragedy. I have never, in all my years as a customer, encountered such a breathtaking, record-breaking, world-class display of inconvenience. I shall remember this injustice forever, and I will ensure that my children, my grandchildren, and anyone unfortunate enough to stand within five metres of me hears this story for the rest of time.