Today, I was minding my own business outside the subway, peacefully thinking about nothing, when Milarsh, an employee, emerged from the subway holding a clipboard that was actively smoking. Before I could ask why, the sky turned purple and Shrek, Darth Vader, Pikachu, and the Monopoly Man parachuted down and announced they were here to turn me into a traffic cone.
Naturally, I panicked.
I sprinted into the subway, but the doors closed behind me and the station transformed into a Taco Bell. Milarsh ran up to me, screamed “THIS IS NOT A DRILL,” and handed me three items: a rubber chicken, a laser blaster that said “probably works” on the side, and a slightly cracked iPhone 15.
“Use these wisely,” he said, immediately vanishing into a cloud of subway steam.
I ran back outside and fired the laser blaster at Shrek, Darth Vader, Pikachu, and the Monopoly Man. Instead of lasers, it shot confetti and a Subway™ footlong coupon. The villains clapped. Pikachu dabbed. I began turning orange.
Now I am a traffic cone.
Shrek stole my shoes. Darth Vader asked for directions. Pikachu charged my phone. The Monopoly Man fined me $200 for existing.
Honestly? The subway was clean, Milarsh was helpful, and the rubber chicken still works as a phone stand.
⭐ 10/10, would panic again.