DC
Dylan Conover
Jul 12, 2015
There comes a time in a man's life when he needs to eat. Typically this time comes three times a day. The time came for me at around 12:23 pm. This was to be my second meal of the day, and with my first meal under-performing, I was a little apprehensive at the thought of a pleasurable dining experience. I approached this Subway with few expectations. After all, this is a Subway. While it is a fine chain filled with equally fine establishments, the fact that it is a chain restaurant is ordinarily a sign that it will not be food of the greatest quality, the building will be enough to sit down in, and the staff will be polite enough to not annoy you the customer. With all this in mind, I approached the restaurant. As soon as I walked in, I immediately felt something within myself similar to that something you feel when you walk into your bedroom on your wedding night. It was an excitement nothing less than sexual. This Subway was the most attractive I've ever seen. A perfectly air- conditioned space, spotless floors, chairs, and tables, fresh bread smells, lounge chairs, and light ambient music made for an extremely erotic first encounter. I immediately knew that this was going to be a dining experience like non other before or after. Confidently, I approached the counter and ordered my favorite sandwich: a Spicy Italian. The sandwich was cooked to absolute perfection. The bread to meat ratio was spot- on, the condiments were evenly distributed, and the beverage had enough carbonation to smacker your lips, but not so much that it foams over your mouth as if you had rabies. I ate my sandwich (a footlong) in approximately 20 bites, finishing it with what can only be described as a foodgasm, leaving me with a food baby (good food supplants the laws of biology). I end all trips to a restaurant with a trip to the men's room, and I was excited to visit the one part of the beautiful Subway I had not seen. Upon walking in I was blown away. It was so simple, but it was so nice. My fecal matter must have been happy knowing that they were expelled in such a pristine environment. The bathroom capped off the best culinary excursion of my entire life.
People, this Subway will change your life. This Subway is proof that God exists. If food could cure cancer, it would be this Subway's sandwiches. I wouldn't bat an eye if someone told me they lost their virginity in this Subway. When the time comes where you need to eat, I implore you, eat at this Subway. I will not eat at Subway again, because the perfection I masticated can never be replaced or duplicated. This is the first Subway where "Eat Fresh" was perfectly executed, and I would give my left nut to have it moved to my hometown Chicago.