KS
Krista Scarlavai
Aug 1, 2025
Let me set the stage. We’ve just driven six hours with two cranky kids who’ve entered the feral goblin phase of hunger. Spirits are low. We see a Subway. Great, I think. Something fast. Something familiar. We’ll grab sandwiches, fill the kids with carbs, and get back on the road before they start gnawing on the seatbelts.
Instead, we stumbled into Hell’s Panini Press.
I walk up to the counter and say I’d like a number, don’t remember which one, maybe the #15, maybe the #42, maybe it was the Subway Black Hole Special, I don’t know. The point is, I ordered a NUMBER. You know, the exact reason numbers exist on a menu: so hungry, tired people can just say a thing and the sandwich gets made without a dissertation and with efficiency.
And this zombie behind the counter looks at me like I just asked him to perform brain surgery with a butter knife. No greeting. No Hi, welcome. Just a blank, soul dead stare like a robot someone forgot to plug in last night. I say, I’ll have the number whatever. He continues staring. I’m like, Okay… FOUR sandwiches. We are ordering FOUR. You’d think I asked him to solve a calculus problem with a crayon.
Then he goes, What kind of bread do you want?
So I say again, trying to be efficient “The number I ordered comes with Italian.”
He just keeps staring.
So I give in. “Italian.” I say it. Because apparently this dude needs every step spelled out.
Then the guy asks, “What kind of cheese?” I say again, “It’s the #whatever.” (Again: trying to follow Subway logic, which I now realize was my first mistake.) More blinking. I finally say Provolone.
Then he asks, What meat?
WHAT MEAT?!
IT’S A NUMBERED SANDWICH. This is like ordering a #3 at McDonald’s and having the guy go, “Okay, but what’s in a Big Mac?” WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE?
The same thing happened with the veggies. More blinking and complete blankness. Says nothing. Just stands there. I begin to think I’m being pranked or something. So again, I just rattle off the lettuce, tomato, onion, whatever, just to make the pain stop.
That was just my order and I still had two kids subs to go! Let’s just say this went on another 10 minutes.
It was so bad my husband, who was READY for a sandwich, had been fantasizing about it just walked away. Refused to order. That’s how bad this guy was. He could reverse appetites.
And if that wasn’t enough of a soul suck, we go to get drinks, and surprise! The soda machine is completely dry. Nothing. No Coke. No Sprite. Just… despair. So I had to walk across the building to the gas station side.
I came in looking for a sub and left with trauma.
I hope this guy sees this review. I hope he recognizes himself and feels a brief moment of self-reflection before returning to his usual state of vegetative indifference. You shouldn’t be allowed near customers, food, or even other human beings if you lack this level of basic functionality. Horrible service. Subway, fix this. Or better yet, launch this location into space.
Said event occurred on 7/27/25 around 6:30pm.