BM
Brandon Murray
Mar 23, 2025
Yep, they baptized me—but at this point, I’ve got more baptisms than some people have houseplants. Every church wants me, and I get it. I walk in and they’re like, “You ready to be saved again?” And honestly, sometimes I am.
The LDS Church has a lot going for it. The people are friendly, they’re serious about community, and they run a tight ship. But let’s talk about what keeps this from being a full 5-star situation.
First, the sacrament bread. They break it with bare hands—no gloves, no hand sanitizer, just vibes. I got sick once and now I watch that tray go by like I’m dodging a sneeze in slow motion. Come on, fellas. Even Jesus would’ve used some Purell if it was around.
Now the tithing. 10% of your income, every year. And while they say it’s “voluntary,” there’s a catch: if you want to go to the temple—which is basically where all the serious dating and marriages happen—you better be paying up. It’s like spiritual Costco: no temple recommend, no access. Meanwhile, every girl is like, “I want to get sealed in the temple,” and you’re over here doing math in your head like, “Do I love her $400-a-month worth?”
Let me just say it—marriage and salvation are supposed to be free. You shouldn’t have to buy your way into a wedding or the afterlife. That’s not a covenant, that’s a subscription.
All that said, four stars because the community is strong, the lifestyle has a lot of positives, and the commitment is real. But I’m still keeping one foot out the door in case another church offers free bread and a zero-dollar dating plan.