SD
Shawna Dean
Oct 17, 2025
Remembering Raya
From the first moment I looked into those dark, sad, but strong eyes, I knew I had met my match. Raya was like me in so many ways—some I didn’t realize until I lost her. I decided to adopt my her when she was just 1 year and 5 months old. Two weeks later, after her scheduled spaying, I was finally able to bring her home. I had just undergone a hysterectomy myself, so I understood exactly what she was going through. Her first day was long as she tried to adjust to her new life and family, but we made it through together. Within a week, she was diagnosed with worms. I found a local vet with good online reviews and decided to give them a try. She was prescribed medication for up to six weeks. Though she wasn’t at her best, she would still look up at me with those dark eyes, silently telling me she was still fighting. When she continued to show signs of fatigue and possible worms, I called the vet in concern. I was told it could take weeks for her to improve, so, foolishly, I let it go. Less than two months later, I got a call that she was lethargic and refusing to eat or drink. I called the vet, only to learn that the doctor was out of the office that day. Raya was dropped off early, and later that day, I received a call that she would need X-rays and blood work costing $450. I knew I couldn’t afford it, but I had to fight for my girl. I pulled the funds from my savings and authorized the tests. When I called back that evening, after being on hold for over 30 minutes, the doctor finally told me Raya had heartworms and an obstruction caused by swallowing a foreign object. She couldn’t tell me what it was but said I’d need to pay up to $1,000 to keep Raya overnight for fluids and medication. Surgery, she added, could cost as much as $3,000. Then came the words that broke me—she offered euthanasia as “another option.” There was no discussion of a payment plan, no compassion, no affordable path to save my baby. I was in shock. Broken. Numb. The vet told me we could talk more when I came to pick Raya up. When I arrived, I immediately broke down in tears. My body was shaking, and I couldn’t stop crying. I knew I had to let her go—not because I wanted to, but because I couldn’t afford to keep her alive. Inside the office, I was met with blank faces. The young woman at the desk directed me to the vet, who stood silently before finally confirming what I already knew: I was defeated. My 14-year-old son had to hold me up as grief overtook me. Somehow, I managed to tell the vet I was ready to let Raya go. We were escorted to a small room. When Raya came in, she looked so tired—her breaths shallow and rapid, her eyes heavy with pain. I stroked her fur and rubbed under her belly, her favorite spot. Even on her worst days, she would roll over for belly rubs, but not this time. She sat on her hind legs, struggling to breathe, still trying to fight. That’s when I knew—it was time. I told my son to let them know I was ready. A staff member came and asked if I wanted to stay with her, but I couldn’t bear it. I declined, knowing that my love for her made it impossible to say goodbye. They offered a small casket for $40, but I refused—I would have given anything if that money could have saved her instead. I was told to pull the car around. I sat there trying to stay composed, but when I saw them place the bag into my trunk, I broke again. My son and I drove home in silence. My father, ever the strong one, had already dug a hole in the yard. My older son refused to join, angry that I couldn’t save her. We buried my sweet Raya quietly, not speaking a word for the rest of the evening. Even now, days later, the pain and heartbreak remain. The tears still fall for Raya—my strong, gentle girl who fought so hard but couldn’t win. I wanted to give her a better life after all she had endured, but it wasn’t meant to be. I wish this world cared more about life than money; maybe then there would be less heartbreak and more love. The tears still fall, even as I write this—for dear Raya.